You Had Me…And Then Lost Me…At Nazi Zombies
Before you write this off as a case of mistaken identity, I will ease your mind by saying that I walked into the movie theater fully expecting a movie that puts action and violence at the forefront of the viewing experience. I expected some forgettable dialogue, uninspired acting, and an overall campy movie. I just didn’t expect the actions scenes to be so lazy, and dare I say, constipated?
Constipated Creative Direction
What I mean by this is that it could have been an insane movie. Like recommend-to-friends-because-of just-how-over-the-top-it-is, insane. Objectively it is still bad; but hey, at least it was fucking worth watching and recommending because they decided to have some balls and actually try something different. Sadly, this was not the case.
The violence could have been over-the-top. The fucking action scenes could have been jam-packed with those mutant-zombie hybrids. That poly-lingual heroine could have walked through the Nazi church and torched a few dozen baddies as revenge for turning her village into a giant science experiment. All in all, there were absolutely no cathartic moments in the movie. It’s as if everything was blocked up–a muzzle was placed over the entire project from the start. Unsure of how to transcend its imitation action-movie destiny, the movie stuck way too close to its mediocre counterparts of the canon.
A Gigantic Waste of Time
Reviews said it is equal parts Saving Private Ryan and a B-Movie zombie flick. And yes, the first scene was absolutely intense and amazing, but sadly, the rest of the movie fizzles out very quickly. And yes, I know the budgets are very different between the two films, but they appeared to exhaust their creative and financial resources all in the first five minutes. That’s like writing a very killer introduction to a novel, one that gets readers to commit their precious time, only to stuff the rest of it with the most derivative fluff imaginable.
And the most infuriating part about the movie was that it chose to spend time on scenes that every action movie spends its time on. WHY? Just WHY? Seriously, I don’t want to see a guy get punched and interrogated over and over again for answers. This has happened in every single fucking action movie for years now. The acting and dialogue is bad enough, and the writing was clearly glossed-over, so why (from a director’s perspective) would you want to subject audience members to the weakest facets of your film.
Because an action film has to have these obligatory scenes and exchanges.
Says who?
If it was due to financial limitations then I understand; impressive action films take money to do right; but come on now…have some balls and do something different. Spectators want badass action with this type of movie. We don’t want a half-hour of four american soldiers hiding in an attic to surreptitiously tiptoe and hold a Nazi at gunpoint until the very predictable happens thirty minutes later and he gets away.
I want my price of admission back. About to blow an O-ring if I don’t stop typing…
Until next time.
Bibliotropism 